Manhood and Autodidactism
Mostly a post of miscellany, but with this little kernel: a long, long time ago I diagnosed myself with a deep need to appease the father figures in my life. My dad was absent or lacking through a part of my childhood, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put these two things together*. At present, there’s a lot to take from my father’s behavior, a lot to learn from, and a lot to mediate. My dad, I assume, is one of the last of his kind–the old breed that has a helluva time talking about anything, would sooner take you out to kill animals than talk about feelings. And that’s fine, I know how he feels, and I would sooner have him than the manchildren that pass as adults these days.
So, in an odd way I’ve been trying to teach myself how to be a man. I don’t think I am one yet. Occasionally someone will describe me as such, and I take it as a compliment. But I’m bothered by my complacency, and if a real man is anything, complacent isn’t it. I was on a balcony at school the other day and I saw a guy take a seat on some steps, peel open a pack of cigarettes, and let the wrapper drift away. I wanted to yell at him, but I didn’t. I thought, have I been blameless on this front? Have I littered, or let friends litter? And, yes, of course I have. So it would be hypocritical to call him out on it. But that’s not right, is it? Your moral standing should not give you pause when you see an injustice. It’s a luxury, hypocrisy. We happy middle-class, we’re able to stay our action with political correctness, with our own position, and that shouldn’t be so.
Well, nevermind the miscellany. I had some things to link you to, but I’ve forgotten them or didn’t save them. Down the pike I think I’ll try to remember all the books I read this year (not many), as a lot of litblogs are doing that sort of thing.
You’ll note at right that I’ve linked to My Soul is a Butterfly, another one of those lovely, soulful blogs. Hannah’s writing drips with the stuff of existence. Also, I went and got a Twitter account, for god knows what reason. You can find it here. That’s it for today.
*I don’t know why you’d ask a rocket scientist to do that.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
My uncle is a rocket scientist. Indeed. When we were kids, instead of saying, “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist…” my brother and I would say, “It doesn’t take Uncle Dan…” We thought we were so clever. Cracked ourselves up.
As for becoming a man, or an adult, or what have you, I have a feeling that’s something a person strives for always. Unless you’re the kind of person who clings hard and fast to remaining as childlike as possible, which, sometimes, I am.
I hate Twitter (altho I have an account)… and I hate the concept of it…It was great they way the Iranians used the micro-blogging service but mostly it seems like a bunch of useless crap.
Huge, huge fan of do-as-I-say not do-as-I-do.
But having said that, I lead a fairly blameless life.
And hey, if we all told each other to stop littering, we’d probably stop littering. Even if it is hypocritical at the time… means to an end!
LOL to Courtney’s first paragraph, then ditto to her second.
I kind of relate to you on the littering thing – sometimes I think young people are so concerned with being “true to ourselves” that we lose our inherent sense of morality! Hah, so I suppose the irony is that it makes us hypocrites anyway?
The manhood thing is easier when you have kids. You have an audience who expects it from you. It keeps you honest.
Doing the right think when no one is watching, has been, in my experience, somewhat harder.
p.s. I’ve never figured out how to subscribe to comments from your blog, so I never get to read your responses to comments. I’m writing in a vacuum.
I always wanted a pocket sized rocket scientist to carry around in my pocket.
I often wish I was less complacent as well. Maybe we should both give ourselves permission to call out the next litterer, whether or not we may have littered in the past.
Thank you for your well-worded and touching compliments. It’s beautiful to be making waves somewhere…or, at least, ripples…
Men are not complacent, but they also have the wisdom to pick and choose their battles. Maybe the biggest antidote to hypocrisy is a gentle and friendly way of confronting offenders.